Depression

*Sometimes when patients take drugs these would rise their level of energy before it improves their mood. And certainly drugs alone don’t give us self-compassion or understanding.

The Path into Depression

We are not born depressed, nor are children inherently depressed. Mood swings can easily occur in adolescents and young adults due to hormonal fluctuations – but even at this age, depression is not “normal.” Not even a severe bereavement necessarily triggers depression. Grief is fundamentally a painful yet healthy process of processing a loss and detaching from an identification. Grief only turns into depression when, for example, feelings of guilt, resentment, or blame are added. For depression to develop, specific internal factors must converge, together resulting in the total blockage that is “depression,” from which there seems to be no escape due to the unconscious constellation of prohibitions and commands.

This means that depression has a history of development, which is not always obvious, of course. Many of us gradually slip into depression because, with our hopeful start into adulthood (or even before), we repeatedly encounter rejection, experience repeated frustrations, and again and again perceive ourselves as powerless, ineffective, too weak, too stupid, too bad, etc. We live in a world where we are constantly expected to know what we want and what goals we have. However, we are not given the time and opportunity to discover who we truly are and what we actually want beyond the expectations of parents, teachers, and the job market. Thus, it can easily happen that we exert ourselves greatly, perhaps even achieve something that others call “a lot,” but still end up in a depression at some point.

A human being needs ample space and time to test, experience, and increase their own strength. We need opportunities to try out and experience our enthusiasm and curiosity in order to integrate them into our sense of identity. We need love to feel our own capacity for love, to be motivated to deepen our understanding of fellow human beings. We require a stimulating, supportive, and benevolent environment to develop a positive self-esteem that is then truly resilient, knows its worth, and can live its own life.

However, if we experience too many strong restrictions, limitations, frustrations, and rejections over the years of growing up and being adults, and are alone and overwhelmed in too many situations, our self-esteem will gradually adapt to this. Until it is depressed. Until the few bright spots in our day are no longer enough to illuminate the darkness. Until we no longer want to believe in ourselves.

Shame is also an important issue on the path to depression. Shame is one of the most difficult feelings of all. Being shamed can directly lead to depression if the shaming is too massive or too frequent. Shame is a constantly lurking danger in our society: shame threatens if your car isn’t cool enough (better park further away), your clothes aren’t expensive enough, your apartment is too small and uncool for your colleagues, and so on. We are ashamed of our bodies, our income, our neighborhood, and what not. The threat of shame is enough to instill such a fear of making mistakes in us that we only tackle things if we can assume success or only those that no one else notices in private. The fear of being shamed can massively limit our development (more on this in “The Dragon”).

And of course, we can also be children of depressed parents. If our mother or our father (or our mothers or fathers) were themselves depressed when we were children, a very early internalization and identification with this heavy, sad feeling about life takes place. A strong emotional neglect that can drive us into depression. We can counteract this neglect with self-love and understanding attention. This is what needs to be learned.

With everything I have described here, you can ask yourself: “How does this apply to me?” Did someone mirror back to you as a child or adolescent that you were strong? That you were intelligent? That making mistakes is not a problem, that it’s part of the process, so to speak? That you are a wonderful person even without any achievement? That it is a joy to be with you? Or did you rather receive the opposite messages?

You’re right, while the previous translation was professional, it could benefit from a more empathetic tone, especially when discussing a sensitive topic like depression. Here’s a revised translation aiming for that:

Finding Your Way Out of Depression

The journey towards overcoming depression often begins with a gentle question: “What has been happening to me? How did I get here?” This path invariably starts with a compassionate self-assessment. It’s important to look closely at how you’re doing right now – physically, mentally, and emotionally – with kindness and understanding.

Physically: How has your overall health been? Has your diet been nurturing enough to provide your body with the strength it needs? Have you had a chance to consider your iron levels? Your recent blood work? Your Vitamin D? Your thyroid function? Have you been able to get some movement, fresh air, and sunlight? Even small amounts can make a difference. Sometimes, significant deficiencies in essential nutrients can lead to persistent tiredness and exhaustion, which, due to the ongoing physical strain, can contribute to feeling depressed. In these situations, addressing the physical aspects might be a significant step forward.

If you are experiencing depression alongside a serious illness, please know that there are still ways to gently shift your low emotional state towards one of mental clarity and inner peace. This is a different journey, yet a profound one: exploring our shared human experience of mortality can lead us to deeply consider the essence of who we are. It’s a truly beautiful question, and perhaps we can explore it further another time.

Menstruation and Menopause: For all women, maintaining a reasonably balanced hormonal system is incredibly important for well-being. If your periods are very heavy, and you experience PMS with pain and sadness, this can be a significant factor in feeling depressed. Experiencing several days each month where you feel unwell or even sick can understandably impact your self-esteem and sense of being capable over time. As your energy is literally depleted regularly, making it harder to embrace daily life with joy. Similarly, all stages of menopause can bring about exhaustion and feelings of depression due to hormonal shifts. There are many gentle plant-based allies (like rhapontic rhubarb, chaste tree, black cohosh, shatavari, among others) that can be really helpful and worth exploring. Personally, these made a significant difference for me during menopause. And considering (conventional medical) hormone replacement therapy, with expert medical guidance, could also be a valuable option if it can noticeably improve your quality of life.

Mentally: How have you been seeing yourself lately? What kind of thoughts tend to run through your mind about yourself and your life? Have you noticed many negative thought patterns? Do you find yourself strongly believing certain negative things – perhaps that you’re not capable, or that the world is a harsh place, or that people are inherently unkind? Our thoughts and beliefs often reflect what we’ve absorbed throughout our life journey. Here too, the first step is to gently observe, acknowledge, and explore these patterns – to understand the current mental landscape. It can also be insightful to consider what you currently think about yourself, and what you would genuinely wish you could think. Then, you might gently explore which past events and situations have contributed to these current thoughts. It’s important to remember that for many of us, it’s not always clear that we are not our thoughts, and that we have the capacity to observe, understand, and even reshape our thinking and feelings.

Emotionally: How have you been feeling overall? Are there things that bring you joy, or that used to? Have you been feeling under a lot of pressure or stressed by external circumstances? Do you often feel like you need to constantly meet the expectations of others? Do you have moments just for yourself? And if you do, do you know what brings you comfort or peace during that time? What are your natural inclinations and talents, and do they have a place in your life right now? What do you long for? What feels most missing in your life at the moment? Is it a break from everything, perhaps financial ease, a loving connection, the presence of children, or simply the feeling of being needed? If you could have three wishes right now, what would they be?

Did you know that our wishes can be a tender expression of what our hearts truly desire? And that they can serve as gentle guides on the path out of depression?

When you can approach these areas with honest self-reflection and gain a clearer understanding of where you are right now, you’ve already taken a significant and courageous step on the path towards healing from depression. There is much to learn and much life to embrace. And please remember, seeking support from someone who understands can make this journey feel so much lighter.